freedom

Freedom through commitment

In my earlier years I found myself searching for where I wanted to settle down and start a life out West.  A job offer led me to Boise and I still have much gratitude for how lucky I was, although at times I should have even more – I love that city.  I had reached a point where I was tired of trying to find what I was looking for through traveling.  Because no matter how good any place is, you don’t get to truly experience it until you settle down there for a while.  A whole new level of experience comes when you live somewhere and are part of the community.  You’re not only aware of the culture of the town, you’re part of it.  It’s priceless to leave home on any given night and run into friends throughout the city.  You don’t get that when you are passing through.  I found freedom through committing to a city.

I can see this same concept of applying to dating.  With the proliferation of dating apps people give up on one another at the slightest hint of any type of challenge.  Assuming a new person is out there with whom there will be zero battles to face. This reminds me of Carol Dwecks’s book, Mindset, where she writes about how when you choose a partner you choose a set of problems.  My take on it is that no one can have a perfect relationship with anyone.  Much like life always has a degree of suffering to it, no matter how beautiful a relationship, there will always be challenges.

It’s how you work through the hard stuff that becomes one of the defining aspects of a beautiful relationship.  It is okay to work through issues and see that as a win, not “having issues” as a loss.  In this regard, the same idea of freedom through commitment applies.  If people realized this they would free themselves from the never ending cycle of dating and looking for someone new or different and instead find that with commitment comes the real freedom they are looking for.

There’s not much I can change here besides my mindset.  There’s also not much to do outside the realm of activities available to us.  In those limitations, however, I find a certain degree of freedom.  I’m committed, albeit due to restriction, to the options I have and in that I’m find joy and disregard that which in the past would have frustrated me.

In an odd way, it’s becoming a simple version of life here and when the days end, I go to bed wondering how it went by so quick.  I used to find ways to fill my time, but now I somehow wish I had more time in the day.  More time to read, more time to write, more time in the study hall.  The days we are locked in no longer cause me stress, I actually enjoy them just as much as the days we have rec.  It’s a freeing feeling for a place that could otherwise be viewed as restrictive.  By no means do I want to be here any longer than I need to, but if I’m here and I can simply adjust my mindset to change my perception of incarceration in a federal prison why wouldn’t I?  I let go of what I can’t change, accept the present for what it is, and commit to the limited number of pursuits I have available.

In my earlier years I found myself searching for where I wanted to settle down and start a life out West.  A job offer led me to Boise and I still have much gratitude for how lucky I was, although at times I should have even more – I love that city.  I had reached a point where I was tired of trying to find what I was looking for through traveling.  Because no matter how good any place is, you don’t get to truly experience it until you settle down there for a while.  A whole new level of experience comes when you live somewhere and are part of the community.  You’re not only aware of the culture of the town, you’re part of it.  It’s priceless to leave home on any given night and run into friends throughout the city.  You don’t get that when you are passing through.  I found freedom through committing to a city.

I can see this same concept of applying to dating.  With the proliferation of dating apps people give up on one another at the slightest hint of any type of challenge.  Assuming a new person is out there with whom there will be zero battles to face. This reminds me of Carol Dwecks’s book, Mindset, where she writes about how when you choose a partner you choose a set of problems.  My take on it is that no one can have a perfect relationship with anyone.  Much like life always has a degree of suffering to it, no matter how beautiful a relationship, there will always be challenges.

It’s how you work through the hard stuff that becomes one of the defining aspects of a beautiful relationship.  It is okay to work through issues and see that as a win, not “having issues” as a loss.  In this regard, the same idea of freedom through commitment applies.  If people realized this they would free themselves from the never ending cycle of dating and looking for someone new or different and instead find that with commitment comes the real freedom they are looking for.

There’s not much I can change here besides my mindset.  There’s also not much to do outside the realm of activities available to us.  In those limitations, however, I find a certain degree of freedom.  I’m committed, albeit due to restriction, to the options I have and in that I’m find joy and disregard that which in the past would have frustrated me.

In an odd way, it’s becoming a simple version of life here and when the days end, I go to bed wondering how it went by so quick.  I used to find ways to fill my time, but now I somehow wish I had more time in the day.  More time to read, more time to write, more time in the study hall.  The days we are locked in no longer cause me stress, I actually enjoy them just as much as the days we have rec.  It’s a freeing feeling for a place that could otherwise be viewed as restrictive.  By no means do I want to be here any longer than I need to, but if I’m here and I can simply adjust my mindset to change my perception of incarceration in a federal prison why wouldn’t I?  I let go of what I can’t change, accept the present for what it is, and commit to the limited number of pursuits I have available.

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