How to make cheesecake in Prison

The commissary list in prison includes quite a few things that at first seem random and misplaced.  However, what inmates make with this disjointed availability never ceases to amaze me.  I had heard the lore of prison cheese cake upon my arrival, but am an even bigger advocate now that I’ve experienced it.  It’s odd, because while I think overall I am eating very healthy considering my situation (and consuming far more calories than I used to) this is my occasional “off the deep end” treat.

I’m trying to put on weight to keep up with all the exercise and lifting and have to say, I would have definitely made a snarky comment or two about this type of food prior to being here.  But ya know, I’m in prison, and in a crazy way, this ‘helps’ my weight lifting goals…maybe?


1 bag of vanilla wafers

1 bag of powdered coffee creamer

1 squeeze bottle of lemon juice (vanilla flavoring would be better)

10 packets of sugar

5 2oz packs of cream cheese

hot water


3.8L Tupperware bowl

nature valley honey & oats granola bar


You begin by making the crust.  Take an unopened bag of vanilla wafers and crush them to a medium-fine texture.  Take 2/3 of the bag and pour it into a bowl.  Mix in a small amount of hot water until the mixture turns into a pliable dough, trying to keep it as dry as possible while remaining workable.  Flatten this out over the bottom of one of the Tupperware bowls and bring it up the edge as well.

Add to a mixing bowl 10 packets of sugar, the powdered coffee creamer, 5 packs of cream cheese and flavoring to taste.  Stir for several minutes with a plastic fork.  Keep working it until you have a silky, smooth texture.

At this point take your cheese cake filling and pour it over the crust.  Put the lid on the Tupperware bowl in which you have made the cheesecake and place this into a bath of warm water for several minutes to let the mixture settle.  After that, place on ice for at least 3-4 hours. (we do not have access to a fridge)

Once the cake is thoroughly chilled you can work on your toppings.  Lightly drizzle fine lines of warmed jelly across the cheese cake, then take one bar from the granola bar package and crush to a fine texture.  Make a granola dusting on top of your 650 calories per slice creation.

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